


You Never Forget

by PONKAN



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Best Friends, Best Friends Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Destiny?, First Love, Flashbacks, Heartache, Kang Taehyun-Centric, M/M, One Shot, Oneshot, Tyunning Angst, Underage Drinking, just Taehyun reminiscing his past, tyunning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26481802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PONKAN/pseuds/PONKAN
Summary: Taehyun is back home to attend a family reunion. He feels nostalgic and emotional, especially when he sees the picture of Kai taken fifteen years ago inserted in a book. Kai, his best friend, his love, his ray of sunshine.Follow Taehyun as he walks down memory lane and reminisces his love story.
Relationships: Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	You Never Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This one shot is actually from a potential au prompt I had last year that I dismissed immediately because I didn't write then. Well, now I write so here it is. I actually enjoyed writing this so much for some reason lol. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! And leave kudos and comments please, let me know what you think :))
> 
> Also, my descriptions of the photo isn't from my imagination! I used a [real photo](https://twitter.com/kiatkiatazul/status/1312084354701565953) for it.
> 
> The events in this story are purely fictitious and not related to the real idols in any way. It is only written for entertainment.

The summer breeze, the smell of fresh air, the chirping sounds of birds somewhere. Taehyun didn’t know what made him so nostalgic. He figured it must be the old villa itself. When he saw it, with calming vibes exuding from its walls, he immediately felt soft.

The summer villa looked like it was taken from a painting and not the other way around. It stood tall with three floors and a high roof, the walls made of faded bricks, and surrounding it is a garden of green grass and flowers arranged by color, along with lined up trees that sheltered the villa. When you walk around it, or pass through the inside, you’ll find a lake reflecting the rays of the sun. 

Taehyun parked his car near the gate right in front and shuffled light feet towards the entrance of the homely building. Noticing the door was unlocked, he didn’t bother to ring the bell and just stepped in. He looked around and saw no one else there with him. The villa was silent and unmoving, only his steps sounding the air. “So this is what it feels like when it’s quiet,” he thought. 

The villa was usually loud and noisy, when it was filled with people, his family, gathering from all over the country. Taehyun was there for the same reason. The annual family reunion was set the day after his arrival. He only went a day earlier per his sister’s request.

He continued to walk inside, tracing familiar steps from when he was a child. He spent most summers in that villa and he knew by heart the layout of each room and recognized each piece of decor that caught his eye. It was a place he kept dear in his heart and he was glad the villa was well taken care of. 

When he walked to the living room, he felt even more nostalgic. The white window panes, the old-fashioned couch and throw pillows, even the wooden coffee table sitting in the middle all remained the same. He at least expected a small change, maybe a different rug, especially when seven years had passed since his last visit. He saw visions of his younger self running around the sofa, hitting the keys on the grand piano, and covering the coffee table with stacks of books he took from the bookshelf in the other room. He lifted the corners of his mouth and felt warmth in his heart. This place had always made him smile. Even on that sorrowful day.

He proceeded to one of the windows, thinking it was getting warm inside, and pushed them open, letting in the cool summer breeze. He inhaled the fresh air from outside and leaned his elbows on the window. His mind was clear, just appreciating the view of the lake, and feeling the wind blow on his face. He was calm and it was peaceful, until he heard loud crashing from another room. His heart jumped out of his chest yet his feet moved faster than his thinking.

“It came from near the bookshelves,” he thought, running in a hurry, worried about what made the noise.

In his view appeared the back of a little girl of four years, climbing the bookshelves without any assistance, her toes pushing off books from the lower shelves and her fingers clinging and reaching for the top. Taehyun still had the worry in him, not because of the source of the noise anymore but because his niece was so high up and might fall. With quick senses, he immediately reached up and took her down, grabbing below her arms. The little girl yelled in surprise then smiled when she recognized the man in front of her.

“Uncle Tyun!” she called his name and jumped to hug him, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, making her uncle unable to breathe properly. She couldn’t pronounce her uncle’s name even after many tries, so Taehyun gave up and let her call him _Uncle Tyun_ even if that nickname had a painful memory tied to it. Taehyun thought hearing it from the voice of a little girl might make it better.

“Did you miss me?” Taehyun coughed out and laughed at her tight grip, hugging her back before putting her down. “You made a mess!” Taehyun crouched to pick up the scattered books on the floor, while his niece watched and giggled at him.

“I want that book, Uncle Tyun! Get it for me!” she kept repeating as he re-shelved each book. “Please, please, please!” 

Taehyun sighed, holding the last book in one hand. He stretched his free hand upwards, following the little girl’s directions and took out the thick book she highly requested. He arched a brow in confusion, wondering why a four year-old would want to read a history book, then he shrugged his shoulders and handed it to her, just to make her happy. “Why are you here alone? Where are your parents?” he asked as she sat on the floor and flipped the pages sloppily.

“Mama and Papa went to buy ice cream and told me to wait like a good girl,” she explained, still looking down at the pages she continued to flip.

“You’re a good girl but your mother is not,” Taehyun scowled as he watched her ignore his remark, turning the pages aggressively until she landed on a page with a picture printed in black and white. Taehyun sighed heavily while annoyance was budding within him. “Is this why she wanted me to get here a day earlier? To babysit her child while they date? And they left her all alone! I can’t believe Hyung is also in on this,” he mumbled to himself as he ran his thumb through the pages of the book he still held and stopped somewhere in the middle, when he came across a photo.

He took the photo out and examined it closely. He kept his eyes on it, while his other hand returned the book to the shelf. With his neck still arched and his gaze on the photograph, his feet brought him to the living room and his body fell on the couch. He hung his head on the back of the sofa and brought his hands high, inching the old photograph above his face.

The photo was colored black and white and its subject was a boy, seemingly in high school because of the uniform he wore. The boy had his hair parted in the middle, showing his forehead, and etched on his lips was a mysterious smile. Behind him was the dark sky and what looked like buildings in the city.

Taehyun felt a tug in his heart and a tiny smile grew on his face because he recognized the photo. He was the one who took it, fifteen years ago. And of course, he also recognized the boy. “Kai Kamal Huening,” he uttered his name softly. It was Kai when he was seventeen. Kai, his best friend, his love, his ray of sunshine.

Taehyun still remembered the day he took that photo of Kai. They had snuck in on the school rooftop in the middle of the night to watch the full moon, thinking that rooftop had the best view of the sky. They had told their parents they were sleeping over at each other’s houses, packed snacks, and ran off, not even bothering to change out of their uniforms, hand-in-hand to do their first act of rebellion in their teenage lives.

“Kai,” Taehyun called for his attention, bringing a camera beside his cheek. Kai turned to him and slightly lifted the corner of his lips. _Click!_ The sound of the shutter was louder than their huffing breaths, and the flash of light strong enough to flood the rooftop with brightness. 

“Why’d you take a picture?” Kai asked, looking straight ahead as they walked towards the wall, their usual hangout spot.

Taehyun’s hands were busy, putting the camera back in his backpack. “Just to immortalize this day.” He thought he had to. It was a rare occurrence for Kai to do something that risky. In fact, it was the first time Kai lied to his parents, and Taehyun thought he had to document it, for remembrance. 

They lowered themselves, folded their legs and sat with their backs pressed against the wall, hard and cold. It was freezing. Taehyun grabbed a neatly folded blanket from his bag beside him and unfolded it to reveal its true size, big enough to wrap around the both of them twice. Holding the corners, he brought it behind them and stretched his right arm over Kai’s shoulder, scooched in, so the cold won’t get to them. 

“Thank you,” Kai mumbled cutely with a shaky breath, neck craned down on the backpack between his legs, taking stuff out one by one like it was a magic purse. He appreciated the act especially when he was shivering down to the bone and thinking he was careless to forget his jacket at home. Thank god Taehyun saw it coming.

Kai handed a bag of chips to Taehyun and laid out the rest in front of them, lining them nicely and it resembled a fort, then he took out his favorite plushie and placed it on them. Taehyun chuckled as he watched Kai pat the plushie’s head with a gentle smile on his face.

“There’s more?” Taehyun asked with furrowed brows, looking at Kai who still wasn’t done unpacking. Kai turned to him. His smile became a smirk and his eyes had a strange glint to them. He took his hand out and showed something to Taehyun. It was a metal flask and Taehyun widened his eyes at the sight of it. “Is that what I think it is?”

Kai took the lid off and brought it near Taehyun’s nose, asking him to sniff it. Taehyun took a whiff of the strong scent and his lips curved down to form a frown. He was questioning why that flask was in Kai’s possession and made a surprised noise, jaw on the floor, when Kai suddenly brought it to his mouth to drink some of the liquid. He was speechless and set his gaze on his innocent best friend wiping the spilled drink beside his lips with his sleeve. “Try it,” Kai offered.

Taehyun drew his head back in shock, pressing his lips together and shaking his head aggressively. But he was curious. “What is that?”

“It’s whiskey,” Kai said plainly.

“Whiskey!” Taehyun was in disbelief. He thought it was already a shocker for someone as pure as Kai to even think of sneaking on the rooftop but to drink alcohol within school grounds was beyond unthinkable. “Where the hell did you get whiskey?”

“From Dad.” Kai still had that sinless look on his face, blinking at Taehyun.

“Does he know?” Taehyun was still shocked yet eager to know more about this new side of him.

“Of course not!” Kai dismissed his ridiculous question. He sipped a little bit more, tasting the strong flavor on his tongue before bringing it down his throat, feeling the burn inside. He turned to his best friend who had his mouth still agape and forehead creased. He let out a high pitched laugh after seeing Taehyun’s priceless look, remaining speechless. “I’ve never seen that face before.”

“How could you just drink that like it’s juice?” 

“Taste it and you’ll see,” Kai insisted, bringing it close to him again.

Taehyun quickly closed his mouth, shutting it tight, refusing his offer.

Kai sighed and downed again, this time leaving the taste to linger in his mouth. Then he raised his hand and brought it behind Taehyun’s neck, pulling him close and pressed their lips together. Taehyun managed to squeak out a noise before he lost his ability to speak. With his eyes wide open, he could see Kai’s closed eyelids and he could count his eyelashes one by one, but he dared not to and shut his eyes tight instead. He thought it was a bad idea to do so, because then he could feel the warmth on their lips more and he could feel the burn on his taste buds when Kai pressed deeper into the kiss. Taehyun couldn’t move and gripped his fingers on his knees. He was in a daze and couldn’t think properly. There were too many surprises that day and that was the biggest surprise of all.

Finally, Kai drew back gently, slowly fluttering his eyes at Taehyun, with a wide smile reaching his ears. Taehyun was frozen, still clawing his fingers on his knees, nails penetrating the fabric yet not feeling any pain from it. He didn’t blink, only staring wide eyed at the flush of pink on Kai’s cheeks showing clearly thanks to the shining moonlight, and wondering if that was from the kiss or from the alcohol. He felt warm. He felt warm on such a cold night. He felt warmth from Kai’s fingertips lingering on the back of his neck crawling its way up to his face, not knowing he had a similar pink color on him.

Kai raised his brows at him, still holding that cheeky smile, anticipating an answer from Taehyun.

Taehyun eventually had the strength to move and stuttered out, “That- That was my first kiss!” 

Kai hugged his knees, pressed them against his chest and hunched over to lay his head on them, turning his blushing face to his best friend. “Me too.”

Taehyun’s heart skipped a beat and he could feel it drumming rapidly against his chest, wanting to jump out. What he saw in front of him was an angel. No, not an angel. Angels don’t lie to their parents. They don’t sneak in school at midnight. And they most definitely don’t drink whiskey. Then he was a ray of sunshine, bringing warmth in the chilling night and brightening up his life.

His ray of sunshine looked drowsy, batting his heavy eyelids, the pink flush on his face turning red. Taehyun didn’t know, up to this day, the reason for doing what he did next. He brought his palms to cup Kai’s warm cheeks and leaned in to bring their lips together one more time. He was too panicked and overwhelmed during the first and he relaxed for their second one. 

He drew back from the soft kiss and both of them giggled after, while they stared down at each other’s gleaming eyes reflecting the moonlight. Kai took Taehyun’s hand from his cheek and slid his fingers between his, interlocking their hands together. Then they kicked their legs in front of them, knocking down the fort made of bags of chips and Kai’s precious plushie, but Kai didn’t care because he held Taehyun’s hand and had his head resting on his shoulder as they faced the black sky with a white circle showering light on them.

They cuddled, blanket wrapped around them, and shared their warmth. “I couldn’t taste the whiskey though,” Taehyun said softly with a hint of regret in his tone.

“Do you want to try again?” Kai asked jokingly, with a smirk tugging on his lips.

Taehyun bumped their heads together, making Kai shout. Then they laughed loudly, their laughter lingering in the atmosphere.

They were happy. They were happy on that night and on the days after that. They happily dated and Taehyun was blissful, being with his best friend he loved and wanted more days with him, more years, maybe even forever. But their happiness was short-lived. 

After they graduated, Kai had to go. His parents wanted him to study abroad so he had to leave for college somewhere far away and he couldn’t refuse them. Kai could never refuse his parents and Taehyun knew that, but he also knew that Kai had a rebellious side to him that he only embodied once, on that sweet night. Taehyun knew Kai was pure and innocent and he liked him that way, yet he wanted him to go against his parents again, for them, and hoped he thought the same, but Kai couldn’t bring himself to do it. He lied to them once and that’s it. He just wanted to know how it feels to be rebellious but it’s not for him. He could never go against them again.

So they had to compromise and make their relationship work with the long distance. They promised to call each other every day, send each other messages, update on the things going on in their lives. And they kept their promise.

“ _I just landed!_ ” Kai typed in his phone to send a message to Taehyun as he waited by the carousel for his luggage.

“ _Great! Message me when you get to your dorm. Be careful on the way!_ ” Taehyun happily pressed his thumbs on his phone screen, his grin reaching his ears. 

“ _I miss you already._ ” Kai replied, adding in a crying emoji at the end.

Taehyun chuckled at it. “ _I miss you too._ ”

They sent each other messages as often as possible. They talked on the phone for hours whenever their schedules matched despite the time difference. They used video calls to see each others’ faces. They kept their promise. They kept their promise until they couldn’t.

The daily calls happened less frequently, happening every other day, then once a week, then monthly, until there were none. The hourly messages became daily messages, and disappeared after a while. The video calls never happened again. And Taehyun didn’t receive replies from Kai other than _“I can’t_ ” and _“I’m busy.”_

Taehyun should’ve been angry at him. He should’ve been outraged, furious, and resentful. He should’ve called him out of the blue and told him, “I’m the only one making an effort for us. We should break up.” And Kai should’ve apologized to him and swore to do better, Taehyun thought. 

But none of that happened. 

Taehyun understood how Kai must’ve been struggling in a difficult college and had to take care of himself. He thought about how Kai must’ve been so lonely, being in a foreign country alone, without his family with him, without his close friends, without Taehyun. So he sucked it up and continued to send him messages until only his messages filled the screen on his phone. He thought something must’ve happened that made him lose access to online messaging so Taehyun sat on his desk, wrote long letters until his hands ached and sent them to Kai’s address. He wished he would read them and reply to them, but he received none. Not even a single reply. 

Eventually, Taehyun asked himself what he was doing with this life. Wasting his time, working hard, making all the effort for someone who forgot him. He realized he was blinding himself with an illusion, that one day, he’ll be in Kai’s arms again. Kai, his ray of sunshine, there to bring light back to his dull and dark life. “He already forgot you, Taehyun,” he told himself, repeated it in his head countless times to rub it deeper in his wounded heart, to make himself stop living his life waiting for someone he couldn’t even talk to anymore. To finally chase something else, his dreams maybe, something that could make him smile with glee and not give him heartache. So he stopped writing letters, stopped messaging him, stopped himself from thinking about Kai whenever he saw something that could remind him of him. But of course, it wasn’t easy to forget about him so suddenly.

Taehyun was also on that very couch in the villa that one summer, when he held that very same photo of Kai on the rooftop. He swore he would forget about him but he found that photo hiding in his drawer, so he brought it with him to the villa when he went for the annual family reunion. He stared at it for a few seconds, feeling moisture in his eyes, then quickly inserted it between the pages of a book sitting beside him when his sister called for everyone’s attention to introduce her then boyfriend, now husband, to the whole family. While the room was lively and busy with words of introductions and laughter, Taehyun bent over the bookshelf to hide the book on the lower shelf where the other unlucky books were usually overlooked.

Then he slid his thumb over his phone screen, pressing a few buttons, scrolled through his messages with Kai. He stared at Kai’s last message to him and the date he sent it, another reminder for Taehyun that it was over a year since he last sent him a message. “ _I love you too, Tyun._ ” Taehyun inhaled a sharp breath and closed his eyes.

“Uncle Tyun!” 

Taehyun was staring at the ceiling, watching the ceiling fan circling around, when someone was crying his name into his ear, interrupting the play of the memories from his youth. He turned his head to see his niece shaking his arm beside him, frowning and slightly tearing up. 

He didn’t notice her coming up to his side and was confused as to why she was shedding tears. “What’s wrong?” he asked her worriedly.

“I thought you were dead!” she cried and sobbed, whimpering as Taehyun caressed her hair gently, shushing sounds coming from his mouth. He thought she must’ve been calling him a few times while he was floating on the river of his past.

“Hush, hush, I’m not dead,” he reassured her, then chuckled when he heard himself. He watched his niece take in a deep breath and calmed down, her gaze set on his lap. He followed the direction of her eyes and noticed that she was looking at the photo in his hand.

She brought her face closer to the photo. “Is that Uncle Kai?” she asked, her eyes shining with curiosity, her little hand stretching to grab it from him.

Taehyun shot his eyebrows up, his lips forming an oval. “Oh, you recognize him?” he was impressed. She knew who it was with one look.

“Hey, that’s me!” a voice came shouting from behind them.

Taehyun jumped in his seat from hearing the familiar voice. A voice he loved to hear, the voice who often called his name with affection. 

He stood on his feet and turned his head to look at him, his ray of sunshine, walking up to him with open arms. Kai wrapped his arms around him and Taehyun embraced his warmth, burying his face in his shoulder, inhaling his scent, and feeling his steady heartbeat thump against his chest. He felt love from his hold.

“How did you easily recognize Uncle Kai?” Taehyun asked the little girl as he slowly removed himself from Kai’s arms.

“It’s because of my unmistakable beauty,” Kai commented from the side. Taehyun gave him a vague look, blinking at him a few times, and Kai knew exactly what that meant. He let out a high pitched laugh, drawing his head back from too much laughter.

“I saw pictures of Uncle Kai on his wedding day and he looked the same!” she told him.

Taehyun nodded his head with a faint smile forming on his face. He also remembered that day clearly. That day was full of merriment and cheers from the guests. It was a garden wedding, held behind the old summer villa, right before the wide lake. White decor and white flowers stood out from the green leaves and the blue waters, it was evident that a wedding was happening. The weather was in their favor and the skies cleared up for the couple, sunlight shining on them like a spotlight.

Taehyun wore his best look, his hair fixed neatly, his eyes shining like stars. He was dashing. He looked like a prince, standing tall at the end of the aisle, with a wide smile showing his sharp teeth. He looked at Kai, his wavy hair parted in the middle, his forehead peeking out, and had a stupid smile saying the words, “I do.”

Taehyun chuckled a little bit when he heard them loud and clear, then a river of tears came flowing from his eyes, blurring his vision. He didn’t bother to wipe them and was grateful for it because then he wouldn’t be able to see Kai kiss another man in front of him and watch the moment he becomes a married man. 

Cheers and applause echoed in his ear and he brought his hands together to do the same, forcing the corner of his lips to stay up, even if all he wanted to do was run away from the scene and let his heart cry in peace. Tears continued to stream down his face, his chest hurting from the pain, as the guests followed the couple inside the large villa to celebrate. He stayed behind, feet not moving from where he stood like they were frozen in place. 

When he was the only one left outside, his legs gave in and he fell to the ground, his knees meeting the grass. He bowed his head down and brought a hand up to his eyes, covering them as he cried them out. He was mourning his heart. After holding on for months since he heard the news of Kai’s marriage, he finally allowed himself to be bitter about his best friend’s wedding. At long last, he allowed himself to be angry with him, to resent him. He thought it was unfair. It was unfair for him to suddenly appear in his life years after losing him and coming back engaged to his closest cousin.

“This is torture,” he repeated the words his friend told him a while back. “I’m torturing myself.”

Taehyun agreed to be his cousin’s best man because of the close relationship they had but if he only knew in advance that it was Kai he was getting married to, he wouldn’t even have attended. Adding damage to his broken heart was never in his plans. Yet he still kept the role of best man, even after learning that the other groom was Kai Kamal Huening, who was once his, because he loved his cousin very much. Too much that he couldn’t tell him about Kai and their history. Instead, he sucked it up, carving a forced smile on his face until his cheeks hurt, and pretended to be happy for them as he listened to stories of how they met, how they got engaged, and all that.

Night fell and the villa was still up and lively, but Taehyun stood outside, hands in his pockets, gazing at the lake colored black. Thoughts and feelings were rushing within him as he kept himself silent. He filled his lungs with the cold night air and sighed deeply, then he heard footsteps marching up to him,

“Hey.” Kai stood beside him, imitating his stance, close enough to call it a safe distance. “Why are you out here?”

Taehyun didn’t want to answer him and wanted to be childish. He had avoided making conversations with him ever since they were “introduced” to each other and Kai just calling him with _hey_ made him want to be petty. But he is a mature adult, he thought to himself, and he was going to act like one. “I’m thinking about life,” he answered with a shaky breath, not facing him, “and how unfair it is.”

“Life is never fair,” Kai said plainly, not recognizing the hints of despair under Taehyun’s words. 

Taehyun’s eye twitched in annoyance and he huffed out a breath before spelling it out, “I’m talking about us, Kai. What happened to us was unfair. It was unfair to me, especially.”

Kai frowned, saddened by his remark. “I don’t know what happened to us.”

Taehyun was at a loss for words for a second then shot him a glare. His usual cool attitude and level-headed way of handling things vanished. Kai’s words rubbed him the wrong way and his blood pressure shot up. “What do you mean you don’t know?” His feelings were flying out of his mouth after years of keeping them locked up. “You stopped replying to my messages, stopped answering my calls. Nothing from you at all. I even sent you handwritten letters.”

Kai creased his brows, still wearing his frown. Now that Taehyun was facing him, the light from the villa shone on the side of his face and Kai could see his eyes, red and puffy. “Something happened that prevented me from replying to you and calling you. It’s my parents, you know how they are.” Kai saw Taehyun’s face relaxing then stiffening again after he said, “And I read your letters. They’re wonderful.” A faint smile returned to Kai’s lips.

Taehyun arched a brow. “But replying to them never crossed your mind?” he scoffed. He turned his body to Kai, hands still resting in his pockets.

“What are you talking about?” Kai’s smile left again. “I replied to every single one of them.”

“Don’t lie,” Taehyun dismissed his attempt at defending himself. “I never received anything. Not even one.” He stared down at Kai’s eyes, unblinking, giving him signs of the ill will he had the past several years. 

“I’m not lying,” he snapped back, confidence clear in his voice, taking a step closer into Taehyun’s space. He fought back with Taehyun’s stare, also unblinking, and gave him signs that he was telling the truth. “I sent my letters out the same day I received yours. Even when you stopped sending them, I continued to write to you.”

Taehyun’s eyes wavered. He broke off eye contact and turned away. He realized he was telling the truth. Kai could never look him in the eyes when he lied. In the first place, Kai rarely lied. “I never got anything.”

Kai was speechless, in shock. He knew Taehyun also wasn’t lying. He was bewildered. His mind was in disarray. How could his letters, not even one, not get to Taehyun? Did he put in the wrong address? Was there trouble with the post office so they didn’t send them? Or did someone throw them out before Taehyun was able to get his hands on them? Kai didn’t know where it went wrong but he was sure he sent them out. Whatever the reason was, there was a force preventing them from meeting each other. 

Then something came to mind. 

He looked towards the direction of the lake. “You know I went back home once, three years ago.”

Taehyun looked at him again, lips slightly parted and eager to know more.

“I finally got hold of a phone again and I tried contacting you but you blocked me everywhere. So I visited your house and found that your family already moved,” he continued with a blank face, still looking at a distance, “I wished and wished that I’d meet you by coincidence before flying back, but I knew it was impossible. The city is too big.”

Taehyun brought his lips together and clenched his jaw. He couldn’t believe they were actually in the same country just a few years back and he had no idea. He hated himself for blocking him. He hated himself for not waiting. He hated that Kai’s letters didn’t make their way to him. He hated the universe for not allowing them to meet. 

“But I guess we were fated to meet,” Kai still continued, a smile tugging on his lips. Taehyun was confused but he listened to what he had to say. “I saw you on my last day, in a cafe, through the window. I recognized you immediately and I was so happy I saw my best friend after such a long time.”

“Why didn’t you go talk to me?” Taehyun was nearly shouting. He was baffled, bemused by what Kai didn’t do. He didn’t understand why Kai let that precious moment pass.

“You were with someone else and you looked so happy,” Kai said, regret heavy in his tone. He turned his head to Taehyun again, showing him a gloomy expression. “You never laughed that hard when you were with someone else other than me, Tyun. I figured that you really forgot about me and that you already started seeing someone else.”

Taehyun hated it. He hated seeing Kai like this after all those years of pain. He hated seeing Kai sad upon seeing him with someone else. He hated that Kai was still smiling while telling him about it. He hated himself for not knowing that Kai also tried to get back to him. He didn’t know what else to say but, “You are so stupid.”

“I am,” Kai admitted, lowered his head in shame and chuckled at himself. He noticed Taehyun’s pants, the fabric wrinkled at his knees and stained with dirt. The corner of his lips finally curved down at the sight. He paused for a few moments to gather his thoughts. “It must be the universe’s way of saying we aren’t meant to be with each other.”

“But I love you.” Taehyun couldn’t hold it in anymore. He didn’t want to say it but he voiced it out before he could stop himself. This must be the effect of bottling them up for too long. He inhaled sharply and muttered under his breath, “I still love you.”

Kai widened his eyes, unable to raise his head to see Taehyun’s face. He brought his hands to his side and curled them into fists, clenching them tight. “Don’t,” he asked Taehyun to stop.

“You’re my first love, Kai.” Taehyun couldn’t stop. His feelings were overflowing, there was no way to stop them. “And you never forget your first love. Can I at least hear it from you one last time?” His eyes were pleading, shining because of unshed tears.

“I can’t,” Kai refused. “I’m married now. To someone else.”

“You’re right, you’re right. I’m sorry.” Taehyun blinked against his tears, making them trickle down his cheek. He sniffed and took a hand out to wipe them. He didn’t intend to cry in front of anyone that day. “I can’t ask you to say you love me on your wedding day.”

Kai finally lifted his head. He wanted to wipe his tears for him but he resisted and just stared at him with a worried look. “I still have your letters, you know?” He couldn’t tell him he loved him and thought maybe saying that he kept his letters would make him know that he did.

“Burn them,” Taehyun said bluntly, bringing his hand back in his pocket.

“What?” 

“Burn them,” he repeated. “You’re married now. You can’t still have them.”

“I- I can’t do that.” Kai shook his head. “Those letters carry your words and your feelings. I can’t just burn them.”

“Well, you should.” Taehyun thought his words and feelings don’t matter anymore and that they should be burned.

Kai chewed his frowning lip as he watched Taehyun huff out a heavy sigh.

Upon seeing that look on Kai, Taehyun just wanted to let loose, throw everything away and take him in his arms. But he knew he shouldn’t. He was worried he might feel that way every time he sees him, so he opened his mouth to say his final words, “It’s like a weight’s been lifted off my chest but it still hurts.” He closed his eyes, swallowed his unease, and opened them again. “I don’t think I can see you for a while after this.”

Kai released his lower lip, dropping his jaw in the process. He took another step forward, his hand grabbing Taehyun’s wrist. “Why?” 

“I’ve endured too much, Kai. I need time.” Taehyun kept his gaze on Kai, eyes following a path that starts from his wavy hair passing through his charming face, scanning his height that was much higher than he remembered. He tried to engrave his features in his mind because he won’t see him again for a long time. “But when we see each other again, can you give me a hug like you always did?”

Kai brought his lips together, showing a genuine smile, but one that was full of sorrow. He released his grip on Taehyun’s wrist and brought his hand back beside him. “Of course, Tyun.”

Taehyun mirrored his smile, also genuine and sorrowful. 

“Kai! Let’s take a picture!” a voice called him from the villa.

Kai shouted in reply and cocked his head to the side, inviting Taehyun to come with him. Taehyun shook his head to turn him down and watched him run like a child to the villa. Taehyun laughed, still seeing the high school boy in him. He couldn’t believe he finally got married, and not to him. 

Taehyun watched the old villa, loud and lively, bright under the dark sky. He thought it was still beautiful in the night and loved it dearly but he had to bid it goodbye, at least for a few years until he could bring himself to see his best friend again without hard feelings.

Taehyun never thought it would take him seven years to go back to that place.

“Where did you see my wedding photos?” Kai asked the little girl as he held her in his arms. 

“Over there!” She pointed towards the shelves. Kai marched to it, still carrying her but she flailed around, kicking her legs in the air at the sight of someone else coming down from the stairs. 

“Kai, what was that noise?”

“Uncle Soobin!” she yelled, her voice ringing in Kai’s ears and making him struggle from carrying her.

“Soobin hyung!” Taehyun had a beaming smile upon seeing him.

“Taehyun!” Soobin exclaimed, jogging towards him to give him a hug. “It’s been a long time!”

“Too long,” Taehyun said softly but loud enough for Soobin to hear, feeling his embrace. He missed this. He missed Soobin who gave him the best hugs. His hugs gave him comfort, always calmed him down, always made him feel safe. Whenever he felt angry or depressed, it was always Soobin who quelled his emotions, bringing his feet back to the ground. If Kai was his ray of sunshine, then Soobin was his ice cold lemonade that cooled him down from the harsh heat in the summer.

They walked around the coffee table and sat across each other, Taehyun sitting on one chair and Soobin on the couch. Kai followed, leaving the little girl by herself in the next room, and dropped down on the space next to Soobin, hanging an arm around his shoulder. Soobin leaned his head back and used it as a cushion. 

“Hey, what was the loud noise earlier?” Soobin asked Kai who still hasn’t answered him.

“I’m not so sure, either,” Kai answered plainly and shrugged, as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

Soobin arched his brow and pursed his lips. He wasn’t satisfied with his answer.

“Sarang was climbing the shelves,” Taehyun chimed in. He saw the worried looks on both their faces. “Don’t worry, only books fell. She didn’t fall.”

Soobin and Kai felt like their souls left their bodies along with their sighs of relief. Soobin slapped Kai’s thigh, making him shout in pain. “You said you were going to watch her!” he scolded him.

Kai rubbed the area Soobin hit, making cute noises, whimpering like a puppy, as he ignored Soobin’s scolding. Taehyun didn’t know what to say and just watched them with his mouth hanging open, waiting for the right time to speak.

“I thought she was alone,” Taehyun said after a few moments, “I didn’t see a car parked outside.”

“We came with Hyung and Noona,” Soobin answered, “They just went to buy ice cream for Sarang and left her with us.”

Taehyun nodded, piecing the puzzle together. “So they didn’t leave her alone,” he thought. At least he knew her parents weren’t _that_ irresponsible so he felt relieved.

“How are you doing these days?” Soobin led the conversation. It really had been too long and he wanted to catch up with his dearest cousin, examining him intently and noticing the small changes since the last time they saw each other. “I haven’t heard from you for years!”

Taehyun did the same. He scanned his eyes over Kai and Soobin, especially noticing their matching wedding bands that reflected the light flowing in from outside. Nothing much changed between them. They were still happily married to each other and seeing the way they look into each other’s eyes showed how in love they still were. Taehyun smiled faintly at the couple, both staring at him and waiting for him to speak. “I’m doing great, happy and healthy. What about you? Is Kai giving you a hard time?” He joked around to lighten the mood.

Kai and Soobin glanced at each other before Soobin sighed. “He’s the worst, Taehyun,” Soobin said, pointing to Kai who had his eyebrows up, clueless to what his husband meant. “He clings to me like gum. I can’t even walk around the house in peace.” 

Kai cackled, then proceeded to lower his head below Soobin’s chest and wrapped his arms around his waist, his hand reaching for a belly rub. 

“See this?” Soobin curved his lips down and shook his head. “Look at what he’s doing! He always does this!” he complained to Taehyun, watching Kai’s cute antics around his loved ones. 

Taehyun laughed in reply, his eyes curving into crescents. He felt a tug in his heart. He also missed this. He missed laughing loudly with them. This feeling of nostalgia was too overwhelming. Perhaps it’s the effect of being away from his family for too long. He wondered how he coped being away from them all those years, isolating himself from the painful memories tied to them. He suddenly felt thankful to his sister for visiting him every once in a while, bringing his niece to his home, and reminding him that he has a family.

“Any plans to adopt? Should I expect a nephew or another niece soon?”

“Not until Kai grows up and detaches himself from me,” Soobin said without pause, patting his hand on Kai’s back. Kai glanced up at him then straightened himself, removing his hold on Soobin, and scooching away just to give a little bit of distance between them. 

Soobin widened his eyes, glancing back and forth from Kai to Taehyun, then his lips curved up. His eyes smiled along, his dimples popping out on his cheeks, and his head drew back from releasing too much laughter. Kai giggled and took Soobin’s hand in his, interlocking them. 

“What about you, Tyun?” Kai directed a question at him. Taehyun raised his eyebrows in anticipation. “Are you… dating anyone?”

The room fell silent except for the long deep _oh_ sound Soobin made. Taehyun licked his lips, anxiety suffocating him and not allowing him to speak. He blinked a few times, feeling the heavy stares of the two pairs of eyes in front of him. He felt his blood rushing through his veins and running up to color the flesh on his cheekbones rosy pink. 

A moment ago he wondered how he coped being away from his family the whole time, then he remembered the answer to that. The thought lifted his lips to form a tiny smile, making him relax but not calming his racing heart. He hung his head low, averting from the gaze of the couple in front of him, and raising his left hand to touch his neck. 

Soobin gasped and Kai had enlarged eyes. Both of them looked at each other to confirm their reactions on seeing the silver wrapped around Taehyun’s finger. 

“Did you get married?” Soobin asked, excited yet disappointed. He would feel so upset if Taehyun did get married without his knowledge. He still remembered telling Taehyun before his wedding that he wanted to be the first to know when he got engaged.

“Not yet,” Taehyun said bashfully as he thought about his fiance. He wasn’t alone all those years. There was someone with him. Someone who made him laugh everyday. Someone who made him forget about his miserable past love, even for just a while. Someone who gave him a shoulder to cry on on depressing nights. Someone who came knocking on his door to check up on him and knocking on the door to his heart, asking to be let in. 

Eventually, Taehyun unlocked the door and let him enter his heart, and he learned to love him. He allowed himself to love someone again, even if he was scared. And the person he loved understood him.

“Congratulations, Tyun!” Kai said genuinely. He had those warm eyes and the faint smile on his face, just like in the photo. He was truly happy for Taehyun, happy that he finally found love for himself, and allowed himself to feel it again. Kai knew ten years ago that he wasn’t the person to give him that and he’s happy the right person already came to Taehyun’s life. “I’m happy for you.”

“Me too,” Taehyun said, chuckling, surprised by his own words. After all, he still couldn’t believe he was engaged when just the day before, the ring wasn’t on his finger yet. 

Soobin looked at his cousin affectionately, amused by his flushed face. “I want to meet him!” he whined and pouted. “You should’ve brought him with you!”

“He’s busy so he couldn’t come with me,” Taehyun said with a blank face yet still had the rosy tint on his cheekbones. 

“That’s too bad,” Kai frowned, laying his head back then letting it drop on Soobin’s shoulder.

Taehyun rested his back on the seat as he crossed his legs, placing his arms on the armrest, shifting to a more comfortable position. “So he’s arriving tomorrow,” he continued, forming a smug look on his face.

“Good!” Soobin yelled and shook with too much excitement, disturbing Kai’s resting head on his shoulder. You could see the enthusiasm in his widened eyes and lips that couldn’t help but try to reach his ears. He arched a brow and stared at Taehyun, an ominous glint in his eyes. “I’m gonna tell him all your embarrassing stories.”

Taehyun put both feet back on the floor and sat straight in a flash. He shot his eyebrows up and complained, raising his voice, “I didn’t tell Kai about yours!”

“You don’t have to.” Kai suddenly cut in, catching their attention. “I already know everything.”

Soobin scowled at him and Taehyun laughed. Then Kai followed with his high-pitched laughter while he stood up to avoid Soobin’s smacks, but failed when Soobin stood up after him and slapped his back a few times.

Taehyun continued laughing, filling the room with echoes of his laughter, while he watched them bicker about their embarrassing stories. The scene in the familiar place stirred his emotions and felt warmth in his heart. 

In a second, Taehyun was in his own world, floating in his own thoughts and emotions as he watched them. He stopped laughing and the raised voices of bickering were drowned out.

He was thinking: he loved the both of them, his cousin and his first love. Seeing them happy together was all that mattered. He couldn’t care less anymore about Soobin marrying his past lover or Kai marrying his cousin. As long as they were in his life, happy, then he was glad. Even if he still couldn’t completely forget the pain he endured.

Taehyun still loved Kai, he noticed this especially after seeing him again seven long years later, he realized he still loved him. He still loved him but in a different way. It was true that Taehyun already had someone else, someone he loved more than himself. But he still kept the seventeen year-old Kai in the corner of his heart because he was his best friend, his ray of sunshine, _because he was his first love_. And you never forget your first love, Taehyun was right about that. And after years of thinking and finally accepting his fate, he realized that Kai was wrong saying they weren’t meant to be with each other.

Still watching Kai look at Soobin with loving eyes, Taehyun recalled the conclusion he ended up with before stepping in the old summer villa.

That he and Kai were meant to be with each other, just not _for each other._

**Author's Note:**

> The end! That wasn't much of a ride, was it? Let me know lol <3
> 
> I'm sorry I didn't include Soobin in the character tags. I didn't want to reveal him before you read hehe.
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for reading and getting this far! If this fic gets good responses, maybe, just maybe, I'll add a chapter ^3^


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